You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
