I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize