guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
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