I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
splinters make it hard to masturbate
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
