and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
