he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I should be sponsored by Trojan
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
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