She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
