is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
birth control should be required to get into college
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize
