Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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