Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Im part way to drunk.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
