And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
