She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
