so let's talk penis.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
