If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
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