People in love make me want to vomit
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
