I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
