oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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