billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
im on a boat
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