It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
someone owes me an orgasm
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
