Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
