he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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