I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
