idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Randomize
