everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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