ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
