My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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