Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
