Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize
