i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
