My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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