I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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