I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
