apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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