I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
