so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
