Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Randomize