I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
