i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Randomize
