Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Such a big mess for such a small penis
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
