Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
