are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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