I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize
