Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Randomize
