After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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