Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
did you just send me my own nude
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize
