i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
