Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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