some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
