I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
