Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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