why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
