Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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