It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Mom said you looked used
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
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