y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Randomize
