i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
