my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
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I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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