oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize