nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
