New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
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