your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
This is my gift to your gina
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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