somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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