So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Randomize
