oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
