Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Ladies don't puke and tell
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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