a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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