i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
