Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
