So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
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