Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
