I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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