so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize