absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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