Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Randomize
