I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
