So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
