I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
