i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
