I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Randomize
