Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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