He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
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