When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
