i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
