I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Randomize