In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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