the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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