Im at strip club and am horny
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Randomize
