Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
