i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
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