i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
