Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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