Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
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