I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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