Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
She even gives head with a lisp.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Randomize
