i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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