So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
