wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
